Is There Anything Worse Than Somebody Making A Living From Something They're No Good At?

Well now I think about that, I suppose that there are plenty of things worse. I would name a few but I'm not very good at keeping within the lines of what is socially acceptable.

Who am I talking about, I hear you cry? James 'Unfunniest Comedian Ever' Corden and Chris 'Biggest Obnoxious Twat I Have Ever Had The Misfortune To Lay Eyes Upon' Moyles.

Before I get started, I suppose I had best put a little bit of a warning about potential bad language. I get a little worked up about how successful they are with so little talent.

I suppose I'd best start with James Corden. The star and co-writer of hit comedy series 'Gavin & Stacey'. Gavin & Stacey being the only good thing he has actually done. Although describing it as a comedy is slightly questionable, if not entirely wrong. Despite how it may come across, I actually really like Gavin & Stacey as a show but I do not find it funny. It's one of those shows that I just watch and enjoy because the story lines and characters are pretty cool. It just has that feel good factor to it. I do have to admit to cringing every time James Corden waddles on screen with his irritating exclamations of such hilarious quotable phrases like, "Gavvlar!".

James Corden in a 'hilarious' spoof of the David Beckham ads. Yeah, I nearly threw up as well. 

I know it's not very nice but I have really been enjoying the slow realisation of this country that this man is a total idiot. Since the end of Gavin & Stacey, almost everything he has done has been a total rating failure. The Horne & Corden Sketch Show thing was a bit of a flop. That show he did after the World Cup matches was a bloody good concept and had some amazing guests (Shakira *drool*) but was unbearable because of his fucking moronic presenting. Don't even get me started on that song he released with Dizzee Rascal with the intentions of it being the song that would 'spur the lads on to win'. And now he has that sports quiz on Sky 1 with John Bishop who is the only thing that makes it watchable. Yet somehow, he continues to get prime-time spots on top channels, working with top rate celebrities. It's total bullshit.

Well it's at least relevant, and it's nice to have a little bit of eye bleach after that picture of Mr. Corden. Plus Waka Waka was a total 'choon'.


I think my least favourite thing about James Corden is that he has that really smug sense of self satisfaction about him. You can tell that he thinks every little thing he does is hilarious. It's just like, just because you're fat, it doesn't make everything you say instantly funny if you say it really loud and in a really high pitched voice.
He's one of those fat guys that thinks if he makes a 'joke' about being fat or being in some situation where he would eat something ridiculous or someone famous that everyone will be okay with it. Like everyone will think he's some hilariously cheeky chappy. I noticed that every time he does this, he looks directly at the camera as if to say, "Who else but Corden?!"

I love that more and more people are finally realising how unfunny this 'comedian' is. At first it was just me and John fighting against the odds. Everyone said that he was alright and his shows were pretty funny. We told them otherwise and that they'd get fed up of seeing his wanky face plastered all over their sporting programmes and other general shows. They didn't believe us. Now look what you went and fucking did, guys.

"Har har har, I am sooooo funny."

I can't really decide who I hate more out of James Corden and Chris Moyles. They're both irritating in different ways. I guess James Corden is less of a twat in the sense that he does take the piss out of himself a little bit where as Chris Moyles has a reputation for his "sharp manner, quick temper and put-downs" but as soon as anybody takes the piss without it being somehow scripted, he doesn't know what to do.

I suppose I should give Chris Moyles credit where credit is due. I totally appreciate that he has a really popular radio show and has raised the Radio 1 audience by a bunch or something else I don't really care about. The only problem I have is that I don't know why this has happened. He doesn't exactly have a radio friendly voice. He is easily the most loud and outspoken person I think I have ever seen. Nobody who talks louder than most people can shout should be allowed to present a morning show. It's just too much to handle that early.

"Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

But I'm getting a little distracted from the point. It's not the radio show I have the big problem with, despite it being unfunny and an all round crappy experience, it's his quiz show.
I think the thing I hate most about his quiz show is how much I enjoy it. The one with Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead was probably the best one for a reason I'll explain in a minute. But the reason I hate that I enjoy it is purely because it is presented by him. The show is actually really funny, and like with James Corden's shows, it has really good guests. The only problem is that he gets credit for the guests being funny. If I want to speak to someone about it, I can't say, "Oh, all the guests on this quiz show last night were hilarious!" Because then people name the show like you're some total invalid who can't even remember the name of a television show you watched the previous night. You have to say that "Chris Moyles' Quiz Night was really funny last night!" which gives the conversationee the false impression that Chris Moyles was on a rampage of hilarity, which I can assure you he isn't, wasn't and never will be.

"B to the B to the B the break of dawn"

I have, with Chris Moyles, the same problem as I do with James Corden in the sense that he finds himself hilarious. Even when he's being sulky, you can still see that undeniable glint of arrogance in his beady eyes. Rather than doing what James Corden does in saying things louder and in a higher pitch; he says things louder, and then to compensate for the lack of a higher pitch, he says them even louder. I don't understand what it is that leads fat people to believe that just by being fat and loud, you are not by default funny. You are just obnoxious and unnecessary. You are funny if you say something or do something funny.

Oh! Before I forget, back to the point I brushed with mentioning Nick Frost. Well Nick Frost was recently a guest on Chris Moyles' Quiz Night and he totally owned Chris Moyles in the face. Everyone was talking about impressions they could do after Charlotte Church tried a scouse accent, and Nick Frost said he could do a pretty mean Michael Caine. He then proceeded with a brilliantly accurate portrayal of Chris Moyles; "Boo hoo, I haven't been paid for two months." To which Chris Moyles' face dropped and he was just like, "Yeah, that's enough."

"Wah, I haven't been paid for two months and my girlfriend left me."

I am so bloody fucking fed up of these morons taking up my time that could be much better spent watching Shakira's music videos or punching myself in the face until I slip into an oh-so comfortable coma.

Shakira's 'Waka Waka (This Time For Africa)' because I think you have earned it.