5 Celebrity Crushes That I Do Not Understand

Looky, looky. It's another crush related blog. I think blogs about crushes are a bit of a sign that it's going downhill a bit. Especially when there are two in a row (maybe three, depending on how I feel after this one).

This blog is pretty much going to be taking a look at 5 famous women who are generally considered to be really attractive, but I don't personally see the appeal of for whatever reason. You may call me non-conformist for the sake of it, but I'd say it's more because anyone who finds these women attractive is just pretty much really boring and unoriginal. Who really wants to get the bangs in with someone who looks the same as everyone else? ("Not me," is the answer I was looking for).

I know that none of these people care or even would care what my opinion of them is. If they did, then where would the fun in that be?

So anyway, on with the list, which as per usual, is in no particular order;

1. Cheryl Cole

I figured I might as well go straight in with this one, as any one who reads my blog already knows where I stand on her. I pretty much just really don't like her. I find nearly everything about her unattractive. Can anyone say, "Uproar"? I know! Everyone loves Cheryl, she hasn't done anything wrong, she's such a nice person, she's really beautiful, she's maybe even the most beautiful woman alive! Fuck off. Not everyone loves Cheryl, I don't, for one. She got cheated on, so now everyone loves her?! It's like when somebody dies and everyone pretends they really liked them. Her appearance literally has nothing to offer me. Other than her trashy tattoos, she looks almost too perfect, which I know is a very picky thing to say, but take her smile, for instance. It doesn't look real; it almost looks like somebody has just painted it on. That isn't attractive. Also, her head is really really big. I don't mean in terms of ego; I mean physically, in comparison to her body. It's fucking mahoosive! Lastly, I have never seen someone so fucking wet. Does she ever stop crying?

2. Megan Fox

I'd probably best say this first; I have never actually seen a film with Megan Fox in. Seeing her in films may actually be a major contributing factor to her attractiveness, but I can't imagine her being a great actress, and I bet she has a really over the top American accent. I just don't think she looks that great; her face looks kind of like someone has grabbed the top corners and pulled up. She has a bit of a fairly-convincing-bloke-dressed-as-a-woman look about her. It's like in Super Mario 64, when you can warp Mario's face at the start. Not a nice look. I know it's very very picky, but have you seen her thumbs? I like hands, so this is a biggy for me. I know I don't have the best hands as they're all scarry and torn up from guitar and that, but at least my thumbs don't look like toes. It's enough to make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Bleurgh.

3. Coleen Rooney

I know this doesn't really attribute to somebodies appearance, but I cannot stand a scouse accent on a girl. It is one of the biggest turn offs ever. I don't hate scousers, just the accent. I know it's not her fault, but seriously, it is so unattractive. She's pretty much just a chav who had a boyfriend who was good at football, got really rich, and then bought a bunch of expensive clothes for her. Somehow, that makes her some form of fashion icon or something. It's ridiculous. I can't remember who it was that this realisation came from, so please don't hesitate to remind me, but she looks like a pigeon. I hadn't noticed until this person pointed it out, but it's become one of those things that I just can't stop thinking whenever I see her. Fair play to her; since 'Wazza', as his team mates creatively call him, bought her all those clothes, she has since managed to build up a career, but that doesn't make her attractive. She's another boring, wouldn't-even-give-a-second-glance-in-the-street-if-she-wasn't-famous celebrity.

4. Jennifer Aniston

I appreciate that she "looks good for her age", but I am surprisingly not being ageist. The fact that she is over 40 (I think) doesn't come into it at all. She just isn't worth all the attention she gets. I've watched Friends a fair few times. I mean, yeah, I didn't like it or find it at all funny, but that shouldn't affect how I view Jennifer Aniston, and it doesn't. Everyone always says, "Rachel was definitely the hottest in Friends." I have to completely disagree. I'd say Phoebe, followed by that one who seemed to get really big frizzy hair in every episode I watched, followed by David Schwimmer. Jennifer Aniston is one of the most plain looking people I have ever seen, and the thing that annoys me most about this is that I think there is only one person who actually agrees with me on this. Everyone else acts like it is some crime against Friends to say that she is the least attractive. I'm sorry for thinking that she is boring and nothing special. Well I'm not actually sorry, it's just a little bit difficult to write sarcastically.

5. Paris Hilton

There is NOTHING appealing about this woman at all. The only two reasons I can even begin to accredit with why guys find her so attractive are; first of all, she is really, really fucking rich. Second of all, she is just a massive slut. You always hear guys complaining that girls never want the 'nice guy' and they always go for the 'asshole who treats her like shit'; but I think this is a problem that girls have as well. Guys always seem to pick the 'trampy slag' types, who have about as much personality as they do dignity; over the 'nice girls' with a personality and anything remotely interesting about them. It's not even like people who like Paris Hilton can be use the excuse of, "Well she has a really nice body!" Because when it comes down to it, she doesn't. She's verging unhealthily skinny and there is literally nothing to her.

Skinny ≠ Sexy

If you want to have sex with a bundle of twigs covered in slap and fake tan, then just fucking do it. They'll probably have more personality and won't film it and sell it on. And you won't have to deal with little moronic chihuahuas yapping obnoxiously. I hate those little idiot dogs.

There are probably a million other celebrity crushes that I don't quite 'get', but I can't think of them at the moment. I mean, even if I do, I probably won't write about them.

I don't know why, but I really feel like I should be asking 'you' if there are any celebrity crushes that you don't really agree with or understand. So yeah, take that as a question, if you will.