Why I Wish I Was A Female (Only Sometimes & Never In The Pants)

I know this blog seems to be very heavily pointing towards this, but this entry is more of an observation about what things I think the female population has better than the male.

I'm most certainly not suggesting that I would like some doctor bloke to go at me with a scalpel and turn the ol' chap inside out or whatever it is they do (does my detailed knowledge of the sex change operation procedures not astound you?). To be honest, I'm the sort of guy that feels sick at the thought of someone getting the bloody thing pierced, let alone chopped off. I'm shuddering just thinking about it. That 'Teen Sex' show I mentioned a while back had a bloke getting it pierced and it was horrible. Proper 'sick-up-in-your-mouth-a-little-bit-and-then-have-to-swallow-it-because-you're-in-a-public-place' material.

Well as I have somehow got to the point where every post somehow descends into a list; I suppose I may as well roll with it. Here is my list of things that make me wish I was a girl, if three things can really count as a list:

1. Some girl's clothes are awesome.

This is probably my main point, really. I always notice when I'm out and about, or more specifically, clothes shopping, that the women's section has so much more nice looking stuff. I don't know if this is some defect in my interests, as I know I don't exactly have the most masculine tastes. I'm also not sure if I like the girls stuff more because the guys stuff is just outright horrendous.

I'm not sure if this is still the case, but in early January I went clothes shopping, and every single male clothes shop was packed out with those fucking ugly Christmas Jumpers. You know those knitted ones that the kids in American TV shows and films always get from their Grandma? Yeah, I know; what is wrong with fashion. So I have to wade through piles and piles of these hideous things to find some decent t-shirts (without all that shitty writing on, or that aren't blatently trying to rip off Superdry). I just don't understand why male fashion must always include random fonts stamped on everything; jeans, shirts, hoodies, jackets, literally every-fucking-thing. You find a nice shirt, and you take it off the shelf to get a proper look, turn it round to hold it up against yourself, and then spot a load of writing that looks like it was taken off a crate. It's meaningless and looks, for lack of a better word, shit.

This annoys me even more, when you have to walk through the female section, passing all these really cool looking military jackets, stripey tops WITHOUT lame writing, nice coloured jeans WITHOUT rips. All of the women's clothes were just exactly what I would have wanted, but with shorter sleeves (and the occasional bow). Obviously I wouldn't want to go any further into cross dressing than my jeans, and the occasional dress (should've known I'd slip that in somewhere).

I'm on the left, then Robin and then Tommy

2. Shoes looks smart and are cheap.

Admittedly, this could have easily come under the clothes point, but I felt that section was getting a little too long and some form of divider was needed.

I think that this is again more of a rant about how shitty men's shoes are. The biggest culprit for ugly shoes, I would probably say is Burton. All of them are really disgusting hybrid crosses between trainers and dress shoes, but none of them can be properly categorised into one of the two. They are all a little too dressy to be worn with jeans; but Burton insists on making every looks 'distressed', so the trainers look battered to the point where they almost look crusty. This distresses me heavily. With the inability of the highstreet shops to make decent trainers, I am limited to wearing my Vans. I mean yeah, some of the highstreet shops sell Vans... Copies. And they cost just as much, if not more. It's just a bit annoying that they don't make proper shoes, or trainers that would make me want to buy them, over a pair of trainers that actually look good.

When walking past (or buying) the women's shoes, you've probably noticed that they all look awesome? I think if I got to design shoes, I would make the men's sections at least a million times better than it is, well for me at least. I don't think I've ever seen a pair of shoes that look bad. I think maybe my beef is with the highstreet shops.

3. The world is literally your oyster.

If I was a(n attractive) female, I could literally do pretty much whatever the hell I wanted, and it would be pretty much a non issue. If I was a girl, I could dress like a guy and it wouldn't matter. I could have the same hairstyle as I have now, and all I would get is probably the occasional person calling me a dyke. If I was a guy and wore a dress with some tights and some heels, chances are I'd get stabbed before I'd been out of the house for 10 minutes. A guy with long hair is usually ridiculed. There seems to be so much freedom when it comes to being female. I mean yeah, you can't grow beards, but neither can I. I suppose there are certain ways that females are 'supposed to' act and appear, and there obviously is still massive sexists and stereotypes, but I think it's a price worth paying.

To be honest, like I said, I wouldn't be willing to have my crotch tampered with, even if I wanted to, but I would happily join you ladies in the kitchen any day!

I'd best put this, just to clarify that I am not actually sexist. I think men make better cooks anyway.

I kid! I kid! I am genuinely not sexist, it's just far too easy to make these jokes.