I think everyone either: considers drinking Starbucks to be hip and trendy; drinks Starbucks because it is hip and trendy, or at least acknowledges that people consider Starbucks drinkers to be hipsters or at least a little bit pretentious.
I've never really understood why this is, and probably never will, but it is something that I have just come to accept. I don't think I even questioned it the first time I heard it; it's just one of those things that you don't understand and don't really want to understand; like menstruation. (I do understand menstruation, it was just a chance for a really lame and most probably unsuccessful joke.)
Well today, I had my first ever cup of Starbucks Coffee. After a fairly long-winded build up, made up mainly of me not really knowing what to ask for; I nervously stammered, "Hey. Can I h-have a.. Erm, regular coffee p-please?" The bloke pulls out this monster of a mug and pours the coffee out.
By this point, I'm still a little bit nervous because I have no idea about Starbucks ettiquette but I take my coffee away. I know it's kind of lame, but I was actually really excited about drinking it. Why? Because I've had so many people being like, "Oh my God, Starbucks is, like, the best coffee on the planet and things!" And, "You totally haven't tasted coffee until you've tasted Starbucks Coffee!" Admittedly, I can't think who actually said this stuff, but again, I think it's the general consensus that Starbucks Coffee is just the fucking bomb.
So on to the actual coffee. Anticipation aside, it was fucking terrible. I don't even know how to describe it. It smelled horrible, it tasted horrible. I'd like to think this was purely because Starbucks was so highly built up in my mind, but to be honest, I think it was literally the worst cup of coffee I have maybe ever had. I have genuinely had nicer cups of Nescafe and I hate that stuff.
I know what you're thinking; "Man, this guy is a bit of a coffee snob!"
I'm really anything but a coffee snob! The only times I ever really drink 'proper' coffee is if I really have the money, or if I'm at Mike's house (he makes one hell of a good cup of coffee). It's not that I don't like coffee, I'm just more of a tea man.
I suppose every one who likes Starbucks is now thinking, "Well, you don't even really appreciate coffee. What does your opinion matter?"
Well, really? What does anyone's opinion matter? I care not for your stupid hipster-type's opinion. I don't care that I'm not 'cool' enough to drink Starbucks. I care not that I'm not 'alternative' enough to drink Starbucks.
I really hate hipsters and their stinky coffee, and now I am sad. I think after my first little taster of being a hipster, I have no intentions whatsoever of returning.
Maybe it was a bad cup; maybe Starbucks is shite.
MY VERDICT: UH UH
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