I don't think I'm really scared of stuff that would be considered a 'usual' fear. It's not a case of "trying to be alternative," as Robin or Tommy might suggest, and it's not that I'm not scared of the usual things.
I'd say that five things I consider lots of people to be scared of would probably be:
- Heights
- Spiders
- Drowning/Deep Water
- Confined Spaces
- Death
Heights; I don't particularly like them, but I won't start crying like a little idiot if I'm a little bit off the ground. The only reason I don't like them is because I have such bloody poor balance that I'm more than likely to end up falling off of whatever is at a height
Spiders; I hate the spindly little fuckers. They're weird and they just don't look right. They're just pretty gross, but I'm not scared of them. I just don't like them. I think if spiders were people, they'd be the sort of people who feel like they have to put their arms around you all the time, and would be general space invaders.
Drowning/Deep Water; I'm not the strongest swimmer, to be honest, so drowning is obviously always some form of concern when in the water. I don't like water if you can't see the bottom, but again, I'm not scared of it, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I was thinking about drowning last night, I think it would probably be kind of cool if it didn't kill you.
Confined Spaces; This just makes me think of the time when we were seeing how long we could stay shut in the cupboard under Ricky's bed, and Yeomar starting panicking really bad and punching the door. I just don't like when it starts getting hot, and you just can't move at all. Not scared though. I'm a manly one, me.
Death; As morbid and lame as it sounds, I'm not really scared of death; more curious. That's not to say I'm looking forward to dying, or that I plan on killing myself. Just that it happens and you kind of have to accept it. There's no point in being scared of the inevitable. That's like being scared of getting fat but eating loads, or being scared of everyone looking at you all the time and getting a facial tattoo.
Oh yeah, I was gonna write about my slightly irrational and stupid fears, not just my opinion on normal fears.
Well let's get on it, yeah?
1. Long Toe Nails.
Well this is fuelled by a combination of my sister's rabbits having really long toenails, and Robin making up the most ridiculous scenarios where these disgusting toe nails would plague me in my every day life. I'm not particularly a fan of feet to be honest, but long toe nails are the nastiest thing that can happen on feet. I genuinely feel queasy just typing about them, and am most certainly not looking forward to looking for a picture. I really hate the pictures in the Guinness Book of World Records where they have really long nails that are hideously looked after, and are all dirty and spirally. I'd rather have no feet at all than have toe nails that long. I just don't even want to write about them any more. Eurgh.
2. Static On TV Screens.
This one undoubtedly stems from the movie, The Ring. I just didn't like the bit in the lab where the TV comes on showing just static, then that well, and then she climbs out and starts glitching across the floor. That is just plain terrifying. I can't sit in a room where the TV is on static, and if I have to be in the room, I can't look at the TV. I can handle it if I know I can get rid of the static straight away, like if I have the remote and am ready to press AV or whatever. If it's in a shop window, I still feel heavily uncomfortable. If I was in a dark room with it, I would probably cry a little bit. I think Mr. Nuttall told us once that it was pictures of space or something, or that it was what space sounded like. Good ol' Mr. Nuttall. Now I'm scared of space too.
3. Tape Worms.
This one came from last night after Robin decided to tell me ALL ABOUT tapeworms over a pint at Wethy's. "They could even be in the hops used to make your beer!" "You're not even safe as a veggie, they could be in the plants used to make Quorn or the fertiliser used on fruit and veg!" "One guy was forgetting stuff and it turned out there was a massive tapeworm in his brain and it was constricting it!" This went on for a good half hour. How much of it was true, I don't know but I think I managed to force a change of subject by asking such moronic questions as, "Do you think if you put one in a basket and played one of those flutey things, you could charm a tape worm?" Conversation change aside, I'm now scared of tape worms. Shudder central.
4. Public Toilets.
I think this is maybe the most normal of my fears, as it is partially hygiene-based, but is still kind of weird. I use public toilets, but I only use them for pissing. I don't like urinals because they are just weird, so I have to use a cubicle, which I obviously stand up in because I am a (manly) man and because I don't want to sit on a toilet seat that has been publicly used and abused. I've been trying to force my fear of urinals away, but I still refuse to use the big metal troughs as they are just foul. If I wanted piss all over my jeans, I would just piss on them. I also find the idea of a bunch of blokes stood in a line, pissing, to be a little weird. Yeah, yeah, being comfortable and that, but you get some dodgy geezers sometimes and I don't like the possibility of some weird bloke coming and standing right next to me, watching me urinate. Not up for that one bit.
5. Late Night Nurses.
This one comes from the time I bust my foot and was in hospital. I'd spent from about 2am until 7am bleeding and not being attended to at all, and then after a bunch of persistency from Robin, a nurse finally turns up to do something. I had never been genuinely scared for my life until that moment. The woman comes over with this tray of needles, syringes and bandages (surprisingly not the scary part). She spends a little while looking for my vein on my forearm, before deciding she has found it, and sticking the needle in. It gets caught on something. She says something about how she's jabbed at one of the valves in the vessel, pulls the needle out and leaves it bleeding. Bear in mind that this is the pretty fucking big one on my arm, I had to ask for something to put pressure on it. (Still somehow not the scary part). She then decides it'll be easier to attach the drip thing to my hand. She puts the needle in, draws some blood out and starts pushing it back in. I once heard that injecting air into the blood stream kills people. There is a fucking air bubble in the syringe and she is literally about to inject it into my hand. I seriously thought I was going to die. Not cool, NHS, not cool.
Why can't I just be scared of normal things, like normal people?
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